Insanity is like winning the grand prize at an 'all you can eat' buffet for 'The Most Tacos Eaten in One Night'... then getting a call saying the restaurant was shut down for food poisoning an hour after you left... and your stomach is already rumbling.
You know bad things are coming soon, you know there is no escape and you know it's not a good time to go bowling.
But you do it anyhow knowing full well someone else will have to clean up the mess after they load you into an ambulance... plus your ex owns the bowling alley so wtf.
Meet the Team
Every super hero has an alter-ego...
Like Superman and Clark Kent, Batman and Bruce Wayne, Maintenance Man and Dr. Henry Dorkcyde, PhD...
Sure. You've read about all of the "real" super-heroes but when was the last time you actually got to send an email to one? And then have them answer? Even if all they do then is call you bad things? Huh? When?
Yeah! Take that Stan Lee!
Dr. Henry Dorkcyde, PhD
Dr. Henry Dorkcyde, PhD is here to help you cope with the stress and trauma that comes from dealing with a fast-paced, modern lifestyle. When life becomes an onslaught of confusion and despair Dr. Dorkcyde, PhD is here to tell you what's wrong with the world.
What's wrong with the world is you.
Now - stop bothering the doctor.
That'll be $200, please.
Super Hero and Thorazine Addict
'Maintenance Man' deals with people who break things. This, in turn, has broken 'Maintenance Man'.
Did you forget to call about a leaky toilet for 3 months and now it's fallen through the floor? Is it 3:17AM on a Sunday morning and NOW you want it fixed? Have you ever watched that movie 'Falling Down'?
Go ahead and call him... 'Maintenance Man' is reloading.
Dwayne is the one who likes to set fires... but only when the voices in his head tell him to. Dwayne is also the one who strangles the steering wheel so he doesn't have to strangle other drivers. Dwayne has a smile on his face. So does the Joker.
Join the happy voices that shout suggestions in Dwayne's ear!
(Meanwhile... do you have a match?)
Schedule some Maintenance
Want to avoid having a DeWalt flashlight shoved up your rear? Please make your appointment in advance... THEN LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE.
I'll get back to ya after I figure out how the hell your kids managed to put your dog, a bicycle and seven boxes of cereal inside the hot water tank.
And yes - you DO have to pay to fix that.