The Dork Side

You hate them.

I hate them.

We hate them.

They're people.

STUPID people.

And they're EVERYWHERE.

Lie down on the couch and let the doctor sort it all out...

Get analyzed by Professor Henry Dorkcyde, PhD

The Adventures of 'Maintenance Man!'

A super-hero for our times!

Maintenance Man is ever vigilant... ready to leap into action and save dumbass tenants from themselves (provided his blood pressure medication holds out).

He's not angry.

He's reloading.

"It's 3:04 AM... did you really expect me to come over and change a light bulb?"


When Thorazine just isn't enough to make ya happy... it's time for something a little stronger.

Belly up to the bar for a dose of whatever the hell strikes me as funny... which is usually whatever the hell I stumble across on the innerwebs.

Fire up a little happiness... then watch the fire spread to the neighbor's barn.

Are you tense? Nervous? Upset? Do you have homicidal urges while in line at McDonalds after someone's demented children dump a full milkshake on your new shoes?

Do you staple your hands to the desk so you won't choke that idiot co-worker sitting in the next cubicle? You know the one... he whistles (or yodels) along with obnoxiously loud jazz and opera music all day?

Do you find yourself sucking ink-pens dry to calm your nerves in meetings or chewing on old kindergarten pencils for the lead content during your commute to work?

Relax! You are not alone and we are here to help you cope!

Yes, it is true that 'they' ARE out there and yes, 'they' are watching your every move. 'They' will be everywhere you go for the rest of your miserable life but realize that you can face these challenges with a smile... provided you have the proper medication and are willing to commit several felonies.

Who are 'they'? They are them... and them be idiots.

This is your brain on bugs.

Make an appointment with Dr. Henry Dorkcyde, PhD

When life becomes a never ending series of encounters with idiots you must realize that it is NOT your fault! We can help you, unless you're an idiot, too.